the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I think I sprained my soul last night
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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