Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
a search helicopter?!
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
