kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
