one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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