I seem to have left my pride at pride
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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