if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
