loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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