Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
