I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
4 words: hood of his car
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
