the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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