Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
