The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
