Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
