His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
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So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
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I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
How naked do you want me to be?
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