I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
