dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
