I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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