Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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