I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
