just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
