no, he came in my armpit
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He uses pillows to masturbate.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
