this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
