i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
