Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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