I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize
