ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Randomize
