It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
