Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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