Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
