Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
