I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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