you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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