I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
