first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize