hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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