I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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