Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We don't watch enough power rangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
third nipple confirmed
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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