apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
