I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
this hospital has no fireball
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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