I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
