We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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