Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
