I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
