don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
