Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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