maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
