Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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