Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
