you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Randomize