I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
