Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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