Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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