Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
