I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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