the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
