The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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