FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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