i just sent this text using only my big toe
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
