I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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