I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
