Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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