I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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