If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
