Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
