I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My balls are so social today.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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