I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
