I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
