Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
