No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
