My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
