Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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