dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
too bad you live with your parents still
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Randomize
