Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
