Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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