It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
